God or Satan?

So, I've been thinking about Satanism. Hey - why not? Investigating www.churchofsatan.com.

Turns out Satanism is not about the christian devil, but about celebrating the adversarial ethos. Oh, and there's a lot of Neitzche in it. The christian devil just happens to be the symbol that our current culture understands.

Anyway - I need a job, right? I've been between contracts for over a month. I used to pray to God, and got what seemed like answers. I know now that there is no God, it was just my internal psyche ticking over. Likewise, there is no literal Satan, so I thought "Well, let's try praying to Satan and see what happens".

The first problem is that when you approach God, you start by flattering him - telling him how great he is and how much you admire him. Basically, the Christian God is modelled on a fat little oriental pontentate - a sheik or a sultan. One of those "a thousand pardons, great one, I approach your throne as an unworthy worm to beg a favour of your munificence, your countenance is like the light of a thousand suns, magnificent one" dudes. Embarrassing, insincere, formulaic flattery makes God mellow.

Satan, by contrast, is interested neither in worshipping nor being worshipped. For him, its like "why would I want something stupid like that?"

The next problem is what you expect to get out of prayer.

The main thing I got out of prayer as a Christian was a warm fuzzy feeling that God really did understand my problems, and an assurance that he really did have a plan for my life. Everything is under control. It'll be OK.

Prayer to God made me feel safe and cared for. A dangerous illusion, seeing that there actually is no God.

Satan is a realist, and not interested in people who fool themselves. So the main thing that I prayed to God to get, I would not get from Satan. So if I *did* pray to Satan, what would have happened?

I approach Satan. He is not on a throne, lounging around accepting praise. The infernal one is busy at some sort of workbench with his back to me. Oh - and he's 12 feet tall, is red and black and has leathery wings. Hey - can't escape my culture all *that* easily.

Me	(clears throat)
Satan	(looks around, annoyed) What do *YOU* want?
Me	Well, it's about my job
Satan	You want me to do something about your job
Me	Um, yeah
Satan	What have *you* done about it recently - say, yesterday? Read any papers? Applied for anything? Hustled your contacts?
Me	Well, uh
Satan	Fuck off and stop wasting my time. (turns back to what he was doing)

Which is EXACTLY what I want from a non-existent deity (which they all are). Someone who is really not interested in my problems, and tells me he is going to give me no help at all.

So I didn't pray to Satan after all.- It would have been a waste of effort, and embarrassing. I'll get the paper tomorrow, and ring a few people - a much better idea.

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Paul Murray
www.users.bigpond.com/pmurray/index-2.html.